I was getting ready for church this morning. I had Pandora pulled up on my laptop listening to worship music. I was trying to get my heart ready for church. I try to get my mind off of myself and onto God and others. I don't want to go to church because I have to. I also don't want to go to church for what I am going to get out of it. Don't get me wrong - I get alot out of church. It is always a blessing - every time without fail. But I want to be a blessing to God when I go. I want my worship to be real and an acceptable offering to Him - a sacrifice of praise that I lay on the altar. I also want God to be able to use me in other people's lives while I am there. Most of the people I see at church, I don't see during the week. Sometimes because they only come on Sunday mornings, but also because I am not always there on Wednesday nights. My body makes that call sometimes. I always pray about it - God knows how I feel. If He says "Rest" then I rest. If He says "Go", then I go. So on Sunday mornings, I prepare my heart, I ask God to take the throne and work through me however He wants. I pray that every person I come in contact with, God will work through me to give them exactly what they need from Him at that moment. Sometimes it is prayer, a word of encouragement, a hug, a smile, a witness, an example, even a work of rebuke (I really don't enjoy those). I don't want those precious few hours to be wasted.
So as I am listening to the music, I heard a phrase. I am not sure if it was in the song or just my mind. I stopped and listened to the song and didn't hear it again. I don't even remember exactly how it was worded, but something to the effect of God rejoicing over me with singing..... I had heard that before. I looked until time to leave for church, looked until the kids got to my class, looked until time for the service to start, and them came home and pulled all my Bibles out and looked some more. I FOUND IT!! Zephaniah 3:17 "The LORD your God is with you; the mighty One will save you. He will rejoice over you. You will rest in His love; He will sing and be joyful about you." The last line in the NKJV says "He will rejoice over you with singing." Read that again and let it sink in for a few minutes. There is verse after verse telling us to rejoice in Him, to sing to Him and about Him, to praise Him, and on and on. But this verse says that He sings over me. Yes, I am in tears at this point. You know I have to picture things in my mind to get the full effect. I picture God, the God of the universe, Creator, Redeemer, Eternal King.....rejoicing over me - sinful, selfish, hell-deserving, insignificant worm - with singing. Can you picture that? Oh, what love that a holy God would rejoice over me. And yet, we still hold back part of ourselves for our own selfish purposes. He loves us so much that not only did He send His Son to die for us to reconcile us to Himself and to save us from hell, but He wants to have a daily, intimate relationship with us. He wants to use us for His kingdom work. And yet we still live our lives our way. That blows my mind.
Precious Father, this is one of the most humbling verses I have ever read. You rejoice over me with singing. I don't deserve that at all. Thank you that I don't have to deserve it and never could. Jesus in me deserves it. He is what you see when you look at me. When I am self-centered and start to do things my way, remind me of this verse. Draw my attention back to You, Your mercy, and Your grace. I love You!
Fam
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Monday, February 21, 2011
Seasons
I have shared with my ladies and many others that we go through so many different seasons in our lives. If you are in one that is particularly comfortable and fun, it makes it hard when we transition into a different one. It is inevitable though. If changes never come in our life, we can become stagnant and lazy in our relationship with God. Change and trials keep us dependant on God. It keeps us on our toes spiritually. That is one of the wonderful things about MS.......sorry, I choked on my coffee laughing about that one. Actually, as strange as it seems to say it, there are many good things about having MS because God brought it into my life to use me to glorify Him. How can that possibly be bad? Hard?... definitely. Impossible?...yep, in my own strength. Thank You, God, that you do everything through me. Sorry, sorry - off the subject. My kids say that if I see something shiny, I get distracted and then forget what I was saying. We all know where Hannah got ADD.
I was talking about seasons in our life and change. I have spoken in past posts of my prayer room. It is a special room that a good friend and my sweet husband helped me put together last fall. I have my QTs in there. Doug studies, Doug and I talk, David and Doug talk, David and I talk, I pray with Ti in there, my ladies Bible study is in there - you get the idea. Well, after one particular conversation with David, he said what I said made him realize that he pretty much has a year left with his family and then that is probably it. David will graduate from UNA next May. Then he will go to seminary. We don't know what happens after that. It is obvious from hours of talking with David that God has given him a burden to serve in an area where there is a real need for the gospel (there is a need everywhere - but some places don't have enough opportunites to hear it). I could see him in the inner-city somewhere or in an African village somewhere that has never heard of Jesus. I just don't think he will be serving in the Bible belt. The momma in me would love to have him close for the rest of my life. Oddly enough, that is not how I feel at all. I have asked God to use David since before he was born. Doug and I gave him back to God to use in whatever way would bring Him the most glory. I remember Mary Oates telling me when David was about 5 that God was going to use him in a mighty way. How can I argue with the God of the universe about where He chooses to send him? All I can do is praise Him. Anyway, David is going to be moving home today. Which means he will be living in my prayer room. Yesterday, he apologized for taking my prayer room. I took it the wrong way. I thought "He thinks I am that selfish, that a room would be more important than spending time with my child?" I've given my ladies a mental picture of being controlled by the Spirit. There is a throne and a cross in my life. If I let Christ take the throne and be in control, then I take the cross (I die to myself). If I am on the throne, then Christ goes on the cross. Well at that moment, I pushed Christ off the throne and climbed up there myself. I snapped at David. You know how it is - even as the words come out of your mouth - your mind is yelling "Shut up!" I know that is my mind because God does not say shut up. He says "Missy, shut the door." I apologized later and told David what I thought he meant. He said No, he didn't mean that. He just feels bad because I worked hard on that room and it has really been special to me.
I have been thinking about that. Yes, it has been very special to me. Then I realized....sorry, again I choked on my coffee laughing about that. I didn't realize anything - I don't have a single good, intelligent, or profound thought in my head. Let me reword - God showed me that the precious times I have had in that room the past 4 months have had absolutely nothing to do with the room. They have all been God moments. He used the room to bring us together in a place that had no TV or phone. He started some things that will continue in our family. My ladies group will meet in the living room, but nothing will change there because all the amazing, wonderful things that have happened in that group have all been Him - nothing to do with the prayer room or with me.
This is a season. I will get my prayer room back one day. Oh, but this will be a precious season. The last year that my entire special, crazy family will be together under one roof. There will be lots and lots of laughter because that is how we roll. It will be loud. There will be lots of fun. There will also be lots of talking about Jesus and His Word. Who cares about a silly room? I have my Boo-Boo Bunny home for a little while. Let God show you the wonderful God things going on in the season you find yourself in. Excuse me, while I go dance a little bit.
I was talking about seasons in our life and change. I have spoken in past posts of my prayer room. It is a special room that a good friend and my sweet husband helped me put together last fall. I have my QTs in there. Doug studies, Doug and I talk, David and Doug talk, David and I talk, I pray with Ti in there, my ladies Bible study is in there - you get the idea. Well, after one particular conversation with David, he said what I said made him realize that he pretty much has a year left with his family and then that is probably it. David will graduate from UNA next May. Then he will go to seminary. We don't know what happens after that. It is obvious from hours of talking with David that God has given him a burden to serve in an area where there is a real need for the gospel (there is a need everywhere - but some places don't have enough opportunites to hear it). I could see him in the inner-city somewhere or in an African village somewhere that has never heard of Jesus. I just don't think he will be serving in the Bible belt. The momma in me would love to have him close for the rest of my life. Oddly enough, that is not how I feel at all. I have asked God to use David since before he was born. Doug and I gave him back to God to use in whatever way would bring Him the most glory. I remember Mary Oates telling me when David was about 5 that God was going to use him in a mighty way. How can I argue with the God of the universe about where He chooses to send him? All I can do is praise Him. Anyway, David is going to be moving home today. Which means he will be living in my prayer room. Yesterday, he apologized for taking my prayer room. I took it the wrong way. I thought "He thinks I am that selfish, that a room would be more important than spending time with my child?" I've given my ladies a mental picture of being controlled by the Spirit. There is a throne and a cross in my life. If I let Christ take the throne and be in control, then I take the cross (I die to myself). If I am on the throne, then Christ goes on the cross. Well at that moment, I pushed Christ off the throne and climbed up there myself. I snapped at David. You know how it is - even as the words come out of your mouth - your mind is yelling "Shut up!" I know that is my mind because God does not say shut up. He says "Missy, shut the door." I apologized later and told David what I thought he meant. He said No, he didn't mean that. He just feels bad because I worked hard on that room and it has really been special to me.
I have been thinking about that. Yes, it has been very special to me. Then I realized....sorry, again I choked on my coffee laughing about that. I didn't realize anything - I don't have a single good, intelligent, or profound thought in my head. Let me reword - God showed me that the precious times I have had in that room the past 4 months have had absolutely nothing to do with the room. They have all been God moments. He used the room to bring us together in a place that had no TV or phone. He started some things that will continue in our family. My ladies group will meet in the living room, but nothing will change there because all the amazing, wonderful things that have happened in that group have all been Him - nothing to do with the prayer room or with me.
This is a season. I will get my prayer room back one day. Oh, but this will be a precious season. The last year that my entire special, crazy family will be together under one roof. There will be lots and lots of laughter because that is how we roll. It will be loud. There will be lots of fun. There will also be lots of talking about Jesus and His Word. Who cares about a silly room? I have my Boo-Boo Bunny home for a little while. Let God show you the wonderful God things going on in the season you find yourself in. Excuse me, while I go dance a little bit.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Freedom
As I deal with, sorry......as I have the pleasure of interacting with a teenager, I am reminded of my own teen years. It really doesn't seem like that long ago sometimes. Other times it seems like another lifetime. Alot of my memories I wish WERE from someone else's life. Again, I apologize Mom and Dad for all I put you through. Anyway, I remember that I had what seemed like an allergic reaction to rules. If someone told me - no, don't, or you shouldn't - I would do it or die trying. I didn't want my parents, teachers, youth director, boyfriend, anyone telling me what to do. Not all kids are like that. There are some goodie-two-shoes-older sisters (name withheld to protect Nan) that just always followed the rules. I have one now. He may grow out of it but I sure hope not. From the time he was a little guy, he has just obeyed. He wants to please. He doesn't want to disappoint anyone. I pray for him that he won't have issues with legalism in his future. He stresses out if he hears his dad preach on something or I share something and he isn't doing it exactly that way. But he doesn't have a problem with rules. He seems to understand that if they are put into place by someone who loves him then they are for his own good. He didn't get that attitude from me. He got it from his dad. He also got his brain from his dad. Thank you, Lord.
I on the other hand felt like rules were those lines drawn in the dirt that said "I dare you to step over this line." No need to double-dog dare me. I was stepping over the line before it had been completely drawn. I was a free-bird. Rules took away my freedom. I knew what was best and it was my way. Even as I write I am fighting the urge to break into song "I did it myyyyyy waaaaaaaay". Rules felt binding and restricting to me. God had to allow me to go through some horrible things in my college years to break me. He had to bring me to the end of myself.
Skip ahead a few years....ok, many years. I now see that it is the complete opposite. My Father loves me so much that the things He tells me to do or not do are for His glory and my best. The plan He has for my life is perfect. Doing it my way, as I was so proud to do at one time, will only lead to heartache, frustration, confusion, even depression. At one time I felt like rules took away my freedom. I read a verse today: Psalm 119:45 "I will walk about in freedom, for I have sought out your precepts." That is an amazing verse. Oh, how much pain we could save ourselves if we learn this early in our Christian walk. God is not against us; He is not trying to steal our fun; He is not trying to make cookie-cutter Christians (have you met me? I am not a normal preacher's wife). He is a loving Father who knows our past, present, and future. He has a plan for us that we cannot imagine. His precepts are always for our good.
Sometimes, though, because our lives are so busy, we don't get into the Word to find His precepts. Some church-goers never open their Bibles - what they hear from their pastor on Sunday morning is plenty for them. Some go a step further and read their Sunday School lesson on Saturday night so they can join in the discussion and share "their" opinions. Some go even a step further and read a verse and a little story out of a devotional book every day - then they get someone else's opinion to add to their own. I'm sorry but that is not enough. We must get into the Word on a regular basis. That is where we learn the story of Jesus. Genesis to Revelation - the entire thing is the story of Jesus. That is how we get to know God. He speaks to us through His Word. Yes, there are some rules, precepts, decrees in there. But once You really know God, nothing will make you happy except to obey Him. You cannot find true joy in anything else until you are right with Him. Look back at Ps. 119:45 - freedom!!!!!! The really exciting thing is that I don't have to keep a single rule. What?!?! He does it all through me. I give Him complete control and He takes over.
I shared with one of my ladies' groups this past week that we do go through different seasons in our lives. When you have small children, your time in the Word probably won't be as long as someone in a different season of their life. I remember complaining to God when David was 4 and Hannah was about 18 months - "God, I don't have time for a Quiet Time. I am working full-time because Doug is in school. When I am at home, I feel like I am just running to get everything done." God said "OK, girlie, (God seems to speak my language) I will give you some time to spend with me". He got me up at 1 am every night. I spent about an hour in the Word and in prayer - some of the sweetest QTs of my life. So if you think you don't have time, first ask God if there is anything in your life that you are doing that you don't need to be doing. If He doesn't bring anything to your mind, then ask Him to make a time for you to spend with Him. He will do it.
This was a little bit of a rambling post, but I am not a writer. I am just a follower. When God shows me something and tells me to share it, I just start typing. God bless you as you get into the Word and hear from God for yourself.
I on the other hand felt like rules were those lines drawn in the dirt that said "I dare you to step over this line." No need to double-dog dare me. I was stepping over the line before it had been completely drawn. I was a free-bird. Rules took away my freedom. I knew what was best and it was my way. Even as I write I am fighting the urge to break into song "I did it myyyyyy waaaaaaaay". Rules felt binding and restricting to me. God had to allow me to go through some horrible things in my college years to break me. He had to bring me to the end of myself.
Skip ahead a few years....ok, many years. I now see that it is the complete opposite. My Father loves me so much that the things He tells me to do or not do are for His glory and my best. The plan He has for my life is perfect. Doing it my way, as I was so proud to do at one time, will only lead to heartache, frustration, confusion, even depression. At one time I felt like rules took away my freedom. I read a verse today: Psalm 119:45 "I will walk about in freedom, for I have sought out your precepts." That is an amazing verse. Oh, how much pain we could save ourselves if we learn this early in our Christian walk. God is not against us; He is not trying to steal our fun; He is not trying to make cookie-cutter Christians (have you met me? I am not a normal preacher's wife). He is a loving Father who knows our past, present, and future. He has a plan for us that we cannot imagine. His precepts are always for our good.
Sometimes, though, because our lives are so busy, we don't get into the Word to find His precepts. Some church-goers never open their Bibles - what they hear from their pastor on Sunday morning is plenty for them. Some go a step further and read their Sunday School lesson on Saturday night so they can join in the discussion and share "their" opinions. Some go even a step further and read a verse and a little story out of a devotional book every day - then they get someone else's opinion to add to their own. I'm sorry but that is not enough. We must get into the Word on a regular basis. That is where we learn the story of Jesus. Genesis to Revelation - the entire thing is the story of Jesus. That is how we get to know God. He speaks to us through His Word. Yes, there are some rules, precepts, decrees in there. But once You really know God, nothing will make you happy except to obey Him. You cannot find true joy in anything else until you are right with Him. Look back at Ps. 119:45 - freedom!!!!!! The really exciting thing is that I don't have to keep a single rule. What?!?! He does it all through me. I give Him complete control and He takes over.
I shared with one of my ladies' groups this past week that we do go through different seasons in our lives. When you have small children, your time in the Word probably won't be as long as someone in a different season of their life. I remember complaining to God when David was 4 and Hannah was about 18 months - "God, I don't have time for a Quiet Time. I am working full-time because Doug is in school. When I am at home, I feel like I am just running to get everything done." God said "OK, girlie, (God seems to speak my language) I will give you some time to spend with me". He got me up at 1 am every night. I spent about an hour in the Word and in prayer - some of the sweetest QTs of my life. So if you think you don't have time, first ask God if there is anything in your life that you are doing that you don't need to be doing. If He doesn't bring anything to your mind, then ask Him to make a time for you to spend with Him. He will do it.
This was a little bit of a rambling post, but I am not a writer. I am just a follower. When God shows me something and tells me to share it, I just start typing. God bless you as you get into the Word and hear from God for yourself.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Happy Valentine's Day
I have given Valentine's Day alot of thought the past week. Doug's sermon yesterday seemed to be specifically for me. Then I heard so many people say the same thing. God used Doug in a mighty way yesterday. For those who were not there - you will hear me share more in our Bible study, but for this post let me summarize. The Word says "If you love Me, you will obey what I command" John 14:15. So the reason we don't obey is because we don't really love Him. The reason we don't love Him is that we don't really believe that He loves us. Things happen in our lives that make us question His love for us. When He doesn't come through the way we want Him to, Wow! I have put alot of thought into that and have alot more to work through. I talked to my sweet friend, Tonya. She has two precious boys - both are in wheelchairs due to hydrocephelus (spelling?). I told her that people looked at them and her and thought - "how sad, how horrible for them", but God doesn't look at it like that. God sees Brandon and Brently as perfect. They are exactly the way He made them. God is putting together a retreat called "Dancing in the Rain" about how to have joy no matter what your circumstances are. Tonya and I will be doing it (God will be doing it through us). She will be doing the worship and sharing her testimony. I will be teaching. It is amazing how God is preparing us and putting it all together. First He had to get us ready though, We both had to get to the place where we have joy despite our circumstances. I will share more about the retreat in later posts. I say all of this to say that God is teaching me that He actually brought MS into my life because He loves me. It hasn't completely sunk in, but He wants to use me to glorify Him. The way He can best do that is by my living with MS. So it isn't something for me to pity myself about, to whine and complain, to beg for relief. NO!! Thank you God for giving me Multiple Scleroses. I don't want to waste my life. I want to be used by you every day and this is obviously the way you can get the most glory from my life. That is basically what Tonya and I will be sharing through this retreat.
Back to Valentine's Day. It is about love, right? And God is teaching me how much He loves me. Since I will no longer be speaking to groups of people with MS (my doctor says he can't do anything else for me and that I need to change meds), we are taking a massive hit financially. I have talked to the kids and tried to explain how drastically things are going to change. Normally on V-Day, I would get them a nice card (about $4) and a CD or T-shirt (about $15) and a little something for Doug. Saturday I went to Dollar Tree to do my V-Day shopping. As I looked through the 2 for a dollar cards I started to cry. Then I got a big box of nerds for each kid. I got out to the car - I had spent $5.50 on the entire family. I was sitting there crying feeling so sorry for myself. God gently reassured me that I tell and show my family that I love them every day. That they did not need a T-shirt to know how much I love them and that Doug knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that I love him so, so much.
I thought everything was taken care of, but just like I tell my ladies, it is a daily minute-by-minute battle to be filled with the Spirit and let God be on the throne of our life. I woke up this morning and put their sad little Dollar Tree cards and nerds where they would see them. I started to get ready for work and started to cry. What is the deal? I am the strong one!! I thought I was going to be late for work because I kept having to put more makeup on. Doug told me bye - he could tell I had been crying. I wanted to send him an email to be sure he knew I wasn't mad at him or at God. I was going to tell him that I just felt like a failure because the financial issues are because of me. Because of my physical condition, I was telling myself that I wasn't a good wife, mom, pastor's wife, employee, etc. As I opened my email to send him a message, I say that he had sent me an e-card (he had already given me a card this morning that was so sweet). I opened it - the first thing that scrolled up were the words "you are the best gift God has ever given me". I had been looking in the mirror calling myself a failure and then he calls me a gift. God said "See, when you let me control your life, you are a gift to people (actually an empty vessel that allows God to be a gift through me). Satan was attacking me at a weak moment. I refuse to let him win. You shouldn't either. My telling myself that I was a failure was just as self-centered as if I had been thinking how wonderful I am. IT IS NOT ABOUT ME. IT IS ALL ABOUT GOD!!!
So, Happy Valentine's Day! God loves you so much and I do too.
BTW, Doug said that the kid's LOVED the nerds when they saw them. Ha! You can comment after any post. I would love to hear your feedback.
Back to Valentine's Day. It is about love, right? And God is teaching me how much He loves me. Since I will no longer be speaking to groups of people with MS (my doctor says he can't do anything else for me and that I need to change meds), we are taking a massive hit financially. I have talked to the kids and tried to explain how drastically things are going to change. Normally on V-Day, I would get them a nice card (about $4) and a CD or T-shirt (about $15) and a little something for Doug. Saturday I went to Dollar Tree to do my V-Day shopping. As I looked through the 2 for a dollar cards I started to cry. Then I got a big box of nerds for each kid. I got out to the car - I had spent $5.50 on the entire family. I was sitting there crying feeling so sorry for myself. God gently reassured me that I tell and show my family that I love them every day. That they did not need a T-shirt to know how much I love them and that Doug knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that I love him so, so much.
I thought everything was taken care of, but just like I tell my ladies, it is a daily minute-by-minute battle to be filled with the Spirit and let God be on the throne of our life. I woke up this morning and put their sad little Dollar Tree cards and nerds where they would see them. I started to get ready for work and started to cry. What is the deal? I am the strong one!! I thought I was going to be late for work because I kept having to put more makeup on. Doug told me bye - he could tell I had been crying. I wanted to send him an email to be sure he knew I wasn't mad at him or at God. I was going to tell him that I just felt like a failure because the financial issues are because of me. Because of my physical condition, I was telling myself that I wasn't a good wife, mom, pastor's wife, employee, etc. As I opened my email to send him a message, I say that he had sent me an e-card (he had already given me a card this morning that was so sweet). I opened it - the first thing that scrolled up were the words "you are the best gift God has ever given me". I had been looking in the mirror calling myself a failure and then he calls me a gift. God said "See, when you let me control your life, you are a gift to people (actually an empty vessel that allows God to be a gift through me). Satan was attacking me at a weak moment. I refuse to let him win. You shouldn't either. My telling myself that I was a failure was just as self-centered as if I had been thinking how wonderful I am. IT IS NOT ABOUT ME. IT IS ALL ABOUT GOD!!!
So, Happy Valentine's Day! God loves you so much and I do too.
BTW, Doug said that the kid's LOVED the nerds when they saw them. Ha! You can comment after any post. I would love to hear your feedback.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
A Willing Spirit
I do not profess to be perfect at interpreting Scripture. I will just share with you what God shares with me that I feel like He wants me to pass on. My Thursday class is studying Psalm 51 this week. Wow! I am working on memorizing Psalm 51:10-13 - "Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me away from Thy presence, and do not take Thy Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of Thy salvation, and sustain me with a willing spirit. Then I will teach transgressors Thy ways, and sinners will be converted to Thee." All of these verses are awesome, but one little phrase just jumped out at me that I had never really given much thought. "Sustain me with a willing spirit." I am in a very trying, difficult time right now. I feel like I am in the battle of my life. Circumstantially, it doesn't really matter what the outcome is. What matters is how I walk through this. Am I going to do it in my own strength and in my way? This phrase says sustain me....yep, that is what I need right now. I need God to sustain me. The definition of sustain is to keep from giving way, as under trial or affliction. I cannot hold myself up through this. Then it says the way that He does that is by our having a willing spirit. Hmmmm - again, I go to my dictionary. Willing means cheerfully consenting. Then it hit me (I am kinda slow). God sustains me when I am totally and completely yielded to Him. So if I am worrying or trying to fix the problem myself, I shouldn't question why it seems as if God is not doing His part and holding me up. We say that we want peace, comfort, and strength during difficult times, yet we are holding on tightly to control of the situation. We don't give it up to Him. We don't trust Him with the situation. And why do we not trust Him? Because we don't know Him. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I can trust Doug.,,,because I know him. I have spent alot of time getting to know him. I know his heart; I know he loves me; I know I can trust him. It is the same thing with God. If we spend time with Him in His Word, in prayer, and a moment by moment walk, we will get to know Him. He will reveal His heart; we will know He loves us; we will know we can trust Him. Thank you, Father, that you will sustain me as I yield to You and trust You completely.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Wit's End
Ps. 107:27b-28 - They were at their wit's end. Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and He brought them out of their distress. Unfortunately, God often has to bring us to the end of ourselves before we surrender control and do things His way. Whether in salvation or in our Christian walk. It is not a fun thing to get to your wit's end, but what a joy when you finally give it all up to Him.
I had been praying for Sandy for quite awhile. I knew that she had had a difficult past. I prayed that she would be able to get past that and that God would heal her spiritually and emotionally. As I prayed, I began to get the impression that she was not saved. So I began to pray in that direction. That God would open her eyes so that she could see herself the way God sees her. I prayed that if God wanted me to talk to her, He would tell me when.
This morning at church, I felt like I should see if Sandy would like to talk to me sometime. I asked her and she immediately said yes. We decided we would meet an hour before church started. When we met, I asked her to share her testimony with me. She said that she had made a decision when she was younger. I asked her what she felt when she came to church and heard Doug preach. She said that it seemed like he was speaking directly to her. I was thinking "Me too !!" As I explained what it means to be saved - that it is not something you do just to get out of going to hell and to get the good things that God has to offer and to have Him fix your problems. It is so much more than that. He is not just our Saviour - He must also be our Lord. That is the hard part for most people. They don't want to give up control. They want to do things their way. They don't want God telling them what to do. Usually a person has to get to the end of themselves before they are willing to give up. They will try and try to fix things and live their life their way, but it never works. Sandy had already realized that the decision she made when she was young had not been true conversion. She was tired of trying to live her life her way. She was at her wit's end. She was broken over the way she had lived her life - the sin in her life.
We knelt in the altar - no one else was there but Sandy, God, and I. I could feel His presence almost as if I could reach out and touch Him. She prayed and wept and asked God to forgive her and save her and turned her life over to Him. It was so amazing to hear her weeping over her sin and then hear it turn to weeping for joy and thanksgiving. It was such an honor to be there. It had absolutely nothing to do with me. It was all God. We shared with our class and they were all so excited about their new sister in Christ. She went forward during the invitation time. She shared with the church that God had saved her and that she wanted to live the rest of her life for Him - doing things His way. I can't wait to see how God is going to use her.
It is so important after a person is saved for them to learn to get in the Word and hear from God themselves. That is how the growth comes. I feel that God is really going to use this study to grow her.
Thank you precious Father for reaching down your hand of mercy and touching Sandy. We do not deserve to be reconciled to You and yet You woo us and pursue us and save us. Then You love us, guide us, teach us, comfort us, give us peace, joy, strength - and You even use us to accomplish Your kingdom work. I praise You. I love you.
I had been praying for Sandy for quite awhile. I knew that she had had a difficult past. I prayed that she would be able to get past that and that God would heal her spiritually and emotionally. As I prayed, I began to get the impression that she was not saved. So I began to pray in that direction. That God would open her eyes so that she could see herself the way God sees her. I prayed that if God wanted me to talk to her, He would tell me when.
This morning at church, I felt like I should see if Sandy would like to talk to me sometime. I asked her and she immediately said yes. We decided we would meet an hour before church started. When we met, I asked her to share her testimony with me. She said that she had made a decision when she was younger. I asked her what she felt when she came to church and heard Doug preach. She said that it seemed like he was speaking directly to her. I was thinking "Me too !!" As I explained what it means to be saved - that it is not something you do just to get out of going to hell and to get the good things that God has to offer and to have Him fix your problems. It is so much more than that. He is not just our Saviour - He must also be our Lord. That is the hard part for most people. They don't want to give up control. They want to do things their way. They don't want God telling them what to do. Usually a person has to get to the end of themselves before they are willing to give up. They will try and try to fix things and live their life their way, but it never works. Sandy had already realized that the decision she made when she was young had not been true conversion. She was tired of trying to live her life her way. She was at her wit's end. She was broken over the way she had lived her life - the sin in her life.
We knelt in the altar - no one else was there but Sandy, God, and I. I could feel His presence almost as if I could reach out and touch Him. She prayed and wept and asked God to forgive her and save her and turned her life over to Him. It was so amazing to hear her weeping over her sin and then hear it turn to weeping for joy and thanksgiving. It was such an honor to be there. It had absolutely nothing to do with me. It was all God. We shared with our class and they were all so excited about their new sister in Christ. She went forward during the invitation time. She shared with the church that God had saved her and that she wanted to live the rest of her life for Him - doing things His way. I can't wait to see how God is going to use her.
It is so important after a person is saved for them to learn to get in the Word and hear from God themselves. That is how the growth comes. I feel that God is really going to use this study to grow her.
Thank you precious Father for reaching down your hand of mercy and touching Sandy. We do not deserve to be reconciled to You and yet You woo us and pursue us and save us. Then You love us, guide us, teach us, comfort us, give us peace, joy, strength - and You even use us to accomplish Your kingdom work. I praise You. I love you.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
A God Thing
I could probably entitle every one of my posts "A God Thing" because everything in my life is a God thing. Obviously all of the good things are from God, but I have learned that He is even in control of the bad. Not just bad circumstances, but even the bad choices I make. He is big enough to use it all to His glory.
Thursdays are the day for the Bible study that I have in my home. There are 5 precious ladies that are a part of it. They come at 8:15 and we meet in my Prayer Room (pictures to come) until 10:00 - we could continue in the Word spending time together all morning but I have to go to work. After they left this morning, I decided (i.e. God impressed upon me) to share a little about how God put that group together and how He is doing a mighty work in our group that can only be attributed to God. Don't worry ladies - I will not name names because I did not ask your permission.
Last fall while on IV steroids (which keep you from sleeping more than 2 or 3 hours a night) I was able to have meetings with God for about 4 or 5 hours a night. One night I began to read my journal from my quiet times during the summer months. I realized that my prayers consisted of alot of whining and complaining. One of my complaints to God was that because of my physical condition, I could no longer minister at church in the way I had in the past - the way I thought I would always minister. He let me know that my ministry will change with the seasons of my life.
He began to give me the names of some ladies. I wrote down each name and started to pray for them. I thought that was the extent of what He would have me do with that list of ladies. All of them had either gone through some really, really rough circumstances or are going through some major trials right now. One day God told me that He wanted me to have a Bible study in my home and to invite these ladies to be a part of it. I said "God, I can't minister to these ladies. I cannot imagine the things they are going through." He said "I don't want you to minister to them - I am going to." All He wanted me to do was be an empty container filled with His Spirit allowing Him to work through me. I talked to each lady seperately. I was going to just ask them to pray about being a part, but each one told me yes right away. They each shared that they had been asking God to send them something that would help them grow and learn how to make it through the circumstances they found themselves in.
We had our first meeting the beginning of December. My main prayer as I prepared to teach was that God would keep me out of the way so that He could do what He wanted to. The ladies barely knew each other, some not at all. It has been an unbelievable blessing to watch God work in this sweet group. I told them that whatever they got out of it would not be during our time together, but during their personal time with God. Then they all started to get in the Word. Good things always come when you get into the Word. God meets you there. He teaches, convicts, comforts, encourages, and grows you. He reveals Himself, opens your eyes, gives you peace, joy, direction, and a purpose. Your desires begin to change. You no longer put all of your focus on yourself because you learn that your purpose in life is to glorify God - in all things...and so much more. That is what I have had the privilege of watching God do in these ladies' lives. Each week they share stories of how God is changing them, not necessarily their circumstances, but their hearts. Praise God !! It doesn't get any better than that.
Also, they have grown to know and love each other. As different ones have gone through some very difficult trials, they have been there for each other. They have called each other, texted, taken meals, babysat, and prayed alot for each other.
To my beautiful ladies - what a joy you are to me. It has been so wonderful and humbling to watch you soak up the things that God is teaching us. You are truly learning to be a glove on the hand of God. I can't wait to see all the ways He is going to use you in His kingdom to glorify Himself. Those of you who said you don't speak in groups - God will probably have you teaching a class before long. Ha! Most of the time He has us do things that are totally out of our comfort zone just so we don't forget that it is all Him. I love yall so much.
Thursdays are the day for the Bible study that I have in my home. There are 5 precious ladies that are a part of it. They come at 8:15 and we meet in my Prayer Room (pictures to come) until 10:00 - we could continue in the Word spending time together all morning but I have to go to work. After they left this morning, I decided (i.e. God impressed upon me) to share a little about how God put that group together and how He is doing a mighty work in our group that can only be attributed to God. Don't worry ladies - I will not name names because I did not ask your permission.
Last fall while on IV steroids (which keep you from sleeping more than 2 or 3 hours a night) I was able to have meetings with God for about 4 or 5 hours a night. One night I began to read my journal from my quiet times during the summer months. I realized that my prayers consisted of alot of whining and complaining. One of my complaints to God was that because of my physical condition, I could no longer minister at church in the way I had in the past - the way I thought I would always minister. He let me know that my ministry will change with the seasons of my life.
He began to give me the names of some ladies. I wrote down each name and started to pray for them. I thought that was the extent of what He would have me do with that list of ladies. All of them had either gone through some really, really rough circumstances or are going through some major trials right now. One day God told me that He wanted me to have a Bible study in my home and to invite these ladies to be a part of it. I said "God, I can't minister to these ladies. I cannot imagine the things they are going through." He said "I don't want you to minister to them - I am going to." All He wanted me to do was be an empty container filled with His Spirit allowing Him to work through me. I talked to each lady seperately. I was going to just ask them to pray about being a part, but each one told me yes right away. They each shared that they had been asking God to send them something that would help them grow and learn how to make it through the circumstances they found themselves in.
We had our first meeting the beginning of December. My main prayer as I prepared to teach was that God would keep me out of the way so that He could do what He wanted to. The ladies barely knew each other, some not at all. It has been an unbelievable blessing to watch God work in this sweet group. I told them that whatever they got out of it would not be during our time together, but during their personal time with God. Then they all started to get in the Word. Good things always come when you get into the Word. God meets you there. He teaches, convicts, comforts, encourages, and grows you. He reveals Himself, opens your eyes, gives you peace, joy, direction, and a purpose. Your desires begin to change. You no longer put all of your focus on yourself because you learn that your purpose in life is to glorify God - in all things...and so much more. That is what I have had the privilege of watching God do in these ladies' lives. Each week they share stories of how God is changing them, not necessarily their circumstances, but their hearts. Praise God !! It doesn't get any better than that.
Also, they have grown to know and love each other. As different ones have gone through some very difficult trials, they have been there for each other. They have called each other, texted, taken meals, babysat, and prayed alot for each other.
To my beautiful ladies - what a joy you are to me. It has been so wonderful and humbling to watch you soak up the things that God is teaching us. You are truly learning to be a glove on the hand of God. I can't wait to see all the ways He is going to use you in His kingdom to glorify Himself. Those of you who said you don't speak in groups - God will probably have you teaching a class before long. Ha! Most of the time He has us do things that are totally out of our comfort zone just so we don't forget that it is all Him. I love yall so much.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Will I ever learn?
The ladies in my Thursday morning Bible study are used to me telling it like it is. My new Sunday night group will learn soon enough. I find little encouragement from ladies who speak as if they have it all together. They intimidate me and make me feel like a spiritual loser. I must admit I wonder if all of their talk is a carefully constructed mask to make everyone think they are spiritual giants.....then pretty soon after I think that - God convicts me for judging them. I repent and we go from there. When I share with my ladies, I don't try to appear perfect. It would be a lie if I did. I have so far to go. I want to be real. I want them to feel like they can come to me when they are struggling and not be afraid that I will condemn them. I fall short every day and I will continue to until that glorious day when God makes me perfect (He really has His work cut out for Him, but He is able). Since I am going to try and post regularly on here mostly for the sweet ladies in my Bible studies, I will from time to time share the gory details of my growth journey. That will make my blog pretty different from most. Don't say I didn't warn you.
One of the Bible truths that I "harp" on week after week is found in Galations 2:20 - "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life which I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me." I am learning (the hard way) that the only was I can be of any use in the kingdom of God is for me to empty myself, die to my selfish desires, and allow God to take the throne of my life and live my life through me. If ever for a moment I begin to think I am getting it together, God brings along something to humble me very quickly. I saw my MS doctor on Friday. He gave me some news that I did not want to hear. I was so glad that I had gone alone because I pitched a big, old-fashioned hissy fit on the drive home. I knew this news was a possibility. I had been praying about it for months. I felt like I was trusting God with it. Evidently I was trusting Him because I didn't really think it would ever happen. Anyway, I cried (you know the kind where you can't talk without hiccupping) and told God all the terrible things that were going to happen, how impossible it would be to make it through, and how there was no way out. (It all sounds funny now but it wasn't at the time.) He just kept whispering "Trust me". I get goose bumps just typing that. I continued to cry and state my case. Finally after about the 10th time of hearing "Trust Me", I said "How do I do that with this?" He said "Die to yourself". Now remember - this is my mantra. He began to show me - me through His eyes. Everything I was afraid about and so upset about were very selfish, self-centered things. He also showed me that until I surrendered this thing, He and I would go no further. It would consume my thoughts. He would not reveal anything new to me. I wouldn't be able to pray or worship. I would be of no use to anyone else. I was going to be stuck right there until I gave it up. I FINALLY said "OK God, I choose to die to my self. Then I went through ever selfish desire He had revealed to me and I chose to die to it". The thought crossed my mind that I was just saying words, but as I chose to relinquish those things (some of them were things that were very important to me), a peace came over me that I cannot explain with words. I had cried a bucket of tears but they were dried up immediately. I didn't have an assurance that things would work out the way I wanted them to, but an assurance that God is in control - that whatever He chooses to do in this situation, in my life, will be the very best thing. He will be glorified. If I am not living my life to glorify Him then I am wasting it.
I got home and got a phone call. It amazingly took care of part of the problem. When I got off the phone, I said "God, why didn't you just tell me about that?" He said "Then you wouldn't have been trusting Me." As you can see, God and I have very frank conversations. He knows how I roll and I feel sure that He laughs at me most days - whether it is the ridiculous little things that make me smile (I have on one occasion thanked Him because I saw 14 squirrels on my way to work and it made me smile), my lack of brain power, or my unconventional way of communicating with Him.
All this to say - ladies, you are learning about Galations 2:20. Now you must walk it out. Somedays are easier than others, but if you refuse to crucify yourself and let Christ live through you, that is the place where you will be camping out for awhile. You can be like the Israelites and spend 40 years in that wilderness. Personally, I would rather surrender each day (many times each day) and march through the Promised Land winning battle after battle.
God bless you. I love you. BTW, this is one of Hannah's photos.
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