Happy Valentine's Day

I have given Valentine's Day alot of thought the past week. Doug's sermon yesterday seemed to be specifically for me. Then I heard so many people say the same thing. God used Doug in a mighty way yesterday. For those who were not there - you will hear me share more in our Bible study, but for this post let me summarize. The Word says "If you love Me, you will obey what I command" John 14:15. So the reason we don't obey is because we don't really love Him. The reason we don't love Him is that we don't really believe that He loves us. Things happen in our lives that make us question His love for us. When He doesn't come through the way we want Him to, Wow! I have put alot of thought into that and have alot more to work through. I talked to my sweet friend, Tonya. She has two precious boys - both are in wheelchairs due to hydrocephelus (spelling?). I told her that people looked at them and her and thought - "how sad, how horrible for them", but God doesn't look at it like that. God sees Brandon and Brently as perfect. They are exactly the way He made them. God is putting together a retreat called "Dancing in the Rain" about how to have joy no matter what your circumstances are. Tonya and I will be doing it (God will be doing it through us). She will be doing the worship and sharing her testimony. I will be teaching. It is amazing how God is preparing us and putting it all together. First He had to get us ready though, We both had to get to the place where we have joy despite our circumstances. I will share more about the retreat in later posts. I say all of this to say that God is teaching me that He actually brought MS into my life because He loves me. It hasn't completely sunk in, but He wants to use me to glorify Him. The way He can best do that is by my living with MS. So it isn't something for me to pity myself about, to whine and complain, to beg for relief. NO!! Thank you God for giving me Multiple Scleroses. I don't want to waste my life. I want to be used by you every day and this is obviously the way you can get the most glory from my life. That is basically what Tonya and I will be sharing through this retreat.

Back to Valentine's Day. It is about love, right? And God is teaching me how much He loves me. Since I will no longer be speaking to groups of people with MS (my doctor says he can't do anything else for me and that I need to change meds), we are taking a massive hit financially. I have talked to the kids and tried to explain how drastically things are going to change. Normally on V-Day, I would get them a nice card (about $4) and a CD or T-shirt (about $15) and a little something for Doug. Saturday I went to Dollar Tree to do my V-Day shopping. As I looked through the 2 for a dollar cards I started to cry. Then I got a big box of nerds for each kid. I got out to the car - I had spent $5.50 on the entire family. I was sitting there crying feeling so sorry for myself. God gently reassured me that I tell and show my family that I love them every day. That they did not need a T-shirt to know how much I love them and that Doug knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that I love him so, so much.

I thought everything was taken care of, but just like I tell my ladies, it is a daily minute-by-minute battle to be filled with the Spirit and let God be on the throne of our life. I woke up this morning and put their sad little Dollar Tree cards and nerds where they would see them. I started to get ready for work and started to cry. What is the deal? I am the strong one!! I thought I was going to be late for work because I kept having to put more makeup on. Doug told me bye - he could tell I had been crying. I wanted to send him an email to be sure he knew I wasn't mad at him or at God. I was going to tell him that I just felt like a failure because the financial issues are because of me. Because of my physical condition, I was telling myself that I wasn't a good wife, mom, pastor's wife, employee, etc. As I opened my email to send him a message, I say that he had sent me an e-card (he had already given me a card this morning that was so sweet). I opened it - the first thing that scrolled up were the words "you are the best gift God has ever given me". I had been looking in the mirror calling myself a failure and then he calls me a gift. God said "See, when you let me control your life, you are a gift to people (actually an empty vessel that allows God to be a gift through me). Satan was attacking me at a weak moment. I refuse to let him win. You shouldn't either. My telling myself that I was a failure was just as self-centered as if I had been thinking how wonderful I am. IT IS NOT ABOUT ME. IT IS ALL ABOUT GOD!!!

So, Happy Valentine's Day! God loves you so much and I do too.

BTW, Doug said that the kid's LOVED the nerds when they saw them. Ha! You can comment after any post. I would love to hear your feedback.